"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."
My mind has been overtaking my body lately. I'll be hit or miss with my daily posts because of this. I ached so much today, and cried so hard I almost vomited. And hiding it from everyone else is something I've become so good at. I don't like attention; it increases my anxiety, and society becomes so uncomfortable talking about depression. These last few weeks have really taken a toll on my mind & body due to various things, and I truthfully was battling some of the darkest thoughts I've had since high school.
All three pups came running over as soon as my breakdown started. Atlas stayed close, while Ellie curled up next to me, being sure to be touching me, and Aspen pushed his head into my lap and refused to move even when I tried to push them all away. And now Ellie refuses to leave my side, even hours after my breakdown, when she would normally be curled up in her kennel. These dogs continue to be my saving grace both in easing me out of my breakdowns, and also reminding me that it's ok to fall apart, because I WILL be ok; it might just take longer than I'd like, but I'll make it out one way or another.