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*artists and nervous system regulation*
weird combo, I know. but not really.
our nervous systems have two states (which exist on a spectrum): regulated and dysregulated. when we're regulated, we feel calm, adult, in charge of our experience, free. when we're dysregulated, we feel: panicky, anxious, inner-critic-activated, agitated, fearful.
as tiny humans, we depend completely on the people who take care of us, so disruption of connection feels existentially scary, and our nervous systems freak out. that freakout gets stored in our bodies.
as grownups, lots of things can tip us into dysregulation, but most often it's stuff that triggers that existential disconnection freakout from when we were little.
and here's where the "artist" part comes in.
if you've devoted yourself to this path, you will encounter things that trigger that existential freakout-frequently.
you will have to access states that are as vulnerable as your little-kid self- frequently.
you will have to take the work you create in that state & put it out into the world- a world that includes critics & the internet & people who are threatened by the courage that it takes to make your work.
we put our work into the world in service of connection.
so every time we make our work,
every time we share it,
we need that regulated state to create from.
to feel free enough to play, experiment, try things.
but as a working creator you'll encounter lots of things that are dysregulating.
that's why the creative life takes courage.
it's also why being an artist means learning to work with your system. to recognize that existential freakout for what is- old little-kid fear, not the truth of the present moment.
it's learning to breathe through it
and not let it stop you.
and it's practicing skills (exercise, meditation, journaling, self-talk, co-regulating with trusted folx) that bring us back to that state of freedom, calm and play
so we can harvest the incredible beauty we are ALL capable of in that state
and share it with the world.
#creativity #polyvagaltheory #somaticexperiencing #emotionalregulation
Recognizing and healing from trauma - we are traumatized in the context of relationships but we also can heal on the context of relationships. Great posts from @heathertuba #trauma #healthyrelationships #healingrelationships #ptsd #cptsd #traumarecovery #healthyboundaries #relationalneuroscience #attachmenttheory
Stay the course. Keep your eyes on what you want for yourself and who you want to be.
I am not a sleep trainer.
This is me. Hayley. The Gentle Mama. And I am not a sleep trainer.
There is SO much ambiguity in the sleep industry. It's really difficult to figure out who to trust, who to follow, who to hire.
I know from first hand experience, having hired a 'gentle sleep consultant' when my eldest was little. The experince was heartwrenching and, for me, life changing.
Sleep support should NEVER be heartwrenching. It should never feel wrong. It should never make you feel uncomfortable. It should never be gruelling. In fact no parental support should feel like that.
There is a huge, gaping chasm between The Gentle Mama approach and the traditional sleep consultant/sleep trainer approach.
Instead of trying to fix your baby's behaviour, I look at the underlying needs, and find ways to meet these that suit your family, whilst - most importantly - protecting your bond with your baby, your instincts, and your baby's healthy emotional and physical development.
As family psychologist Ashleigh Warner so eloquently puts it, "beneath every behaviour there is a feeling. And beneath each feeling is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behaviour, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom." I will never ask you to follow a schedule. I will never tell you or your baby when to eat or sleep. I will never ask you to sleep train. I will never ask you to 'push through because it'll get easier'. I will never tell you it's ok to ignore their cries if it's 'just a protest cry'. I will never ask you to do anything that doesn't feel right.
Instead, I will help you to feel fully informed about normal healthy infant sleep. I will help you to trust to your intuition. I will help you to find your voice as a parent. I will help you to listen to your baby's cues and feel confident in making the right decisions based on those cues. I will help you to strengthen and protect your bond with your baby.
And, if there are any underlying issues affecting your little one's sleep, I will help you to identify and meet those needs, so that sleep for you and your family will be healthy and happy.
That's how all sleep support should be.
Trusting another person after having your heart broken is hard. But you have to remember a relationship is nothing without trust.
Don’t bring bricks from your past relationships. You’ll end up building the same house
I love my people who don’t experience feelings as a problem.❤️
(My greatest source of healing.)
#emotions #feelings #emotionalintelligence #emotionskills #emotionalneglect #relationshipskills #relationaltrauma #relationalneuroscience #vulnerability #compassion #selfacceptance #tuneintoyouremotions #emotionstherapist #notesfromyourtherapist #nfyt #feelingintelligence #howtolove #depression #anxiety #loneliness #trauma #traumahealing #interpersonalneurobiology #attachmenttheory #writersofinstagram #feelingsarefeedback
I used to be what you might call a “fixer”. As soon as a friend had a problem I was swooping in to solve it. Even if I had nothing to do with their problem, as soon as they told it to me I took it on as my own. I’ve since learned this was actually my avoidant attachment style at play. I desperately wanted others to be emotionally regulated to make me feel safe, so I would do anything I needed to do to solve their problem so they would calm down, thus making me feel safe. ⠀
This stemmed from, you guessed it!, my childhood. Living with someone who was chronically emotionally dysregulated felt so unpredictable, thus unsafe, to me. I would change my moods, emotions and behaviors to whatever I thought would make them feel better or calm them down so I could feel safe again. ⠀
I realize now, As an adult I was subconsciously choosing relationships w/ people who were very much used to feeling helpless and needing others to solve their problems Bc they didn’t trust their ability to do so, a common characteristic of the anxious attachment style. ⠀
For years until I became aware, my nervous system subconsciously sought out people w/ anxious attachment Bc their behaviors were familiar to my family of origin. Familiar = safe to your nervous system, even if there’s nothing safe about it Bc your nervous system has a much better idea of what to expect. ⠀
People with anxious attachment typically feel unsafe/anxious unless they are connecting with other people, so their nervous system is constantly trying to find ways to do this... hence why their problems seemed to never end, leaving me drained. ⠀
Now I know that by constantly solving their problems, I was continuing to confirm their subconscious belief that they were helpless or incapable of solving it themselves. ⠀
That one epiphany helped me to:⠀
1)stop taking on other people’s burdens & have more time/energy⠀
2)understand who’s emotions I’m actually responsible for #mine ;⠀
3)learn to self-regulate (handy when other people’s emotions get the best of them);⠀
4)empower other people to understand that they are capable of meeting their own needs. ⠀
Healing is a self-awareness marathon, but absolutely worth it. ⠀
#loveyourself #attachmenttheory #attraction #love #motivationalquotes #bossbabe #busines #businessowner #busy #respect #inspirationalquotes #beautywithbrains @beauty_with_brain_quotes
There is a deep sense of shame that human beings experience when we are misunderstood and ignored. A large part of our brains are wired for connection and we need, everyone to different degrees, to be a part of a pack -a tribe. When we experience something and no one notices, cares, or understands, our survival brain neurocepts danger and we experience it as feelings of shame. And this is a powerful emotion because it is our body trying to move us to fitting in with a tribe so that we can survive! •
On the other hand, if we are seen and “witnessed,” our body neurocepts safety. We can go from the sympathetic nervous system (fight/flight/fawn) into ventral vagal (social engagement). But the transition is when we discharge the trapped energy. Crying is one way we discharge the energy in our nervous system. •
I have had this experience before when I read a book or a meme that captures what I experienced. I have also had this experience when I speak to family, friends, and my amazing counselor, Lori.
That’s the beauty of being witnessed.
While we never lose our need of connection -our brains are simply wired like that, we can start becoming our own witnesses as we heal from childhood wounds and other adult relational wounds. We can do the reparenting work of observing the part of ourselves that is hurting and offer it comfort and validation. We can even internalize a kind person’s voice and imagine their face witnessing our pain. While the inner critic (an internalized voice of what we thought our caregivers thought of us) can be very damaging if it is too loud, the inner parent -our highest self - is very healing. The more surrounded you are by people who can witness you and help your body neurocept safety, the more you will be able to foster that kind and compassionate inner parent. 💗💗
#innerchild #innerchildhealing #innercritic #witnessing #validation #kindnessrocksproject #selfreparenting #selflove #radicalselflove #radicalselfacceptance #unconditonallove #unconditional_love #unconditionallove💕 #neglected #neglect #ignored #beingignored #traumahealing #traumahealing #anxietyrelief #polyvagaltheory #polyvagal #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory
SWIPE 👉🏽 for a mini intro to internal working models, a foundational concept from #psychoanalysis and #attachmenttheory.
It is a basic #psychoanalytic concept that has come to really shape how we understand human patterns of relating to others, and is the basis for beginning to understand our relational lives.
In my work with clients, I have found it so useful to ask questions about early attachments because they help me better understand how current patterns may be influenced by our earliest relationships.
What questions do you have about this? Any other topics you’re interested in me doing mini intros on? Comment below 👇🏽
con amor ✨
Be careful of what you're giving this holiday season... 🎄
#fitness #financialindependence #quotes #motivationalquotes #lifequotes #minimalism #health #attachmenttheory #relationships #mentalhealth #trauma #recovery #motivation #success #makeastart
📺 via #OprahsLifeClass with @iyanlavanzant
Get our therapy tool, the Strengths of All Parts Chart in English and Spanish (swipe 👈🏽), for only $20 and see the many free resources for therapists and clients on our website to support parts- and structural dissociation-based work! Link in bio! ————————————————
The Strengths of All Parts Chart is a collaboration with Janina Fisher and an extension of her wonderful Who Will Show Up? Structural Dissociation page in her Psycho-educational Flip Chart that you may already use. The SOAP Chart is based on the decades of wisdom that Janina has provided the field of trauma treatment. The SOAP chart is intended to be an accessible, affordable, and easy-to-use “interactive” guide to help reduce shame, confusion, and a sense of being alone in our human habits and ways of handling human struggle.
A portion of the proceeds go to the Weighted Project, to fund weighted blankets and bears to those who would not otherwise be able to access them. ————————————————
May we all welcome ALL of us.
- The SOAP Project .
#trauma #traumafocusedtherapy #traumatherapy #dissociativeidentitydisorder #internalfamilysystems #internalfamilysystemsmodel #internalfamilysystemstherapy #cptsd #cptsdrecovery #cptsdwarriors #somaticexperiencing #somaticexperiencingpractitioners #sensorimotorpsychotherapy #sensoryprocessingdisorder #neurobiologyoftrauma #traumainformedschools #traumabonding #attachmenttheory #attachmentparenting #dissociation #janinafisher #janinafisherorlando #traumatherapist #emdrtherapy #emdrtherapist
& 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘮🤞🏾
I remember the days when I just drowned my feelings in a few bottles and bumps and carried on through the holidays with a smile on my face.
𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸.
Now, it's the little things that maybe I don't even notice at the moment that will send my nervous system into overwhelm, confusion, negative thinking, and a whole lotta yuck and WTF just happened.
It takes a whole new level of self-awareness and TRUST now.
What do you want to be aware of this holiday season? What do you want to trust about what you know?
𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘸 👇🏾
P.S. - If you haven't grabbed the guide Click the link in my bio @thriveinrecoverywithamy or DM me and I will send you the link. I got a good feeling it will help you trust yourself more before you go to your next holiday party. FOR REAL!
This dog and cat video by Junkin Video illustrate @backtolovedoc Love Attachment Styles of Independent Ian and Nervous Nora. Nora is the cat here. I think I was like the cat when my partner wanted space. The thing is that a human Ian acts like a cat who hides under the bed when the want space, but Nora is like an indoor and outdoor cat. Dr. Diane gives some good advice to couples who have opposite personalities like this. I see a lot of dog and cat siblings act like this when I dog nanny. #datingadvice #lovecoach #lovelanguage #attachmenttheory #dognannyofthebayarea #dognanny #datesanddogs #dogislove #cats #catsofinstagram #petsofinstagram #pets #pupsofinstagram #Relationshipgoals #Relationshipadvice #couples #couplegoals
Hey everyone! Wanted to introduce myself because the tribe has grown! •
I’m Brenda and I have been passionate about talking about the importance of safe relationships and red flags for unsafe relationships ever since I endured extreme abuse at the hands of a malignant narcissistic supervisor. I was left unable to even read or write academic material and had to take time off from my PhD program to recover. During that time I did a lot of reflection and reading and healing... and I learned sooooo much. Once I got past the first phase of healing I decided to share what I know with others so that they can protect themselves as well. •
I am finishing up my PhD in Organizational Behavior and Human Resources, and that’s what inspired the name for my IG acct and web page. I want us all to be the Chief HR Officer of our lives. We get to choose who is there and who is not, and we are best served when we take our nervous system into account and ensure we feel safe in relationships. Relationships in which you don’t feel safe, regardless of blood ties, are not good for you. Period. So I’m passionate about sharing all I’ve learned! I do consulting with individuals, couples, and groups so you can see the info on the home page of my web page (linked in my profile).
Personal: I am married (but my husband set a boundary and said he doesn’t want his picture on my public page, so you’ll have to take my word on that!), and we have two children we adore. •
Interesting facts: as a result of my supervisor’s relentless emotional abuse I ended up feeling incompetent and my inner critic became loud and really mean. So to combat it I applied for MENSA and got in. So take that, inner critic and former supervisor ✊🏼. •
Also, I love to sing and I play the piano and guitar (poorly) but have lots of fun doing so. I also love to garden but am terrible at keeping things alive. •
Welcome to all the newbies!! So glad you are on this page, and once more, I’m so grateful for you and all my original gang. This community is very special to me 💗💗.
Day 2 - Level Two Theraplay®️ & Marschak Interaction Method. Today we focused on working with parents. In Theraplay®️meeting with parents alone allows space for the parent to self-reflect on their own attachment history as it always has an impact on the way they relate to their child and the attachment style of the child. #attachmentwork #children #adoption #attachmentstyles #selfreflection #theraplay #playtherapy #parentchildrelationship #workingwithparents #attachmenttheory #harryharlow #monkeyexperiment #bowlby #trauma #intergenerationaltrauma #parenting #parentingfromwithin
Secure Attachment status isn’t synonymous with a good thing, and Insecure Attachment status isn’t synonymous with a bad thing. The majority of kids with insecure attachment don’t develop psychological disorders. The attachment patterns of insecurely attached kids are coping defenses to deal with problematic interactions with their caretakers, and these insecure attachment patterns can be successfully adaptive! Psychopathology forms from these defenses only when the defensive strategies are ineffective to protect the child from anxiety related to an absence of perceiving a sense of safety and security in the world. Peter Fonagy and colleagues posit these ideas in the book, Attachment and Psychopathology (1997), pp. 223-274. Check it out! #attachmentparenting #clinicalattachment #attachmenttheory #peterfonagy #psychologyofattachment #theoryofattachment #psychology #humandevelopment #emdr #emdrtherapy #emdrcaseconceptualization #adaptiveinformationprocessing #aip
Book 25 for 2019. An eye opening book for me. I enjoy books that help me question my assumptions. Even if I uncover things I might not like, it helps me gain deeper understanding of myself and/or others. The way the authors explain the science behind human attachment theory, provide examples from real life therapy sessions, and include practical tools makes this book a must-read. Thanks to @dimples0820 for the recommendation!
#psychology #introspection #relationships #attachmentstyles #attachmenttheory
It’s a fact - the quality of our relationships ultimately has an effect on our health, especially our mental health. As humans, we innately crave connection. Deepening our connections is one way to help significantly improve the quality of our relationships and our life. How we deepen our connections and feel close to others has a lot to do with attachment theory. •
Jenny help us to better understand attachment theory and how we can use that understanding to deepen our relationships. She will also share some really helpful tips that will encourage greater satisfaction in our relationships. This episode is seriously so good and eye-opening. I’m really into attachment theory and styles and the more you know about your own attachment needs and the needs of your loved ones, the better those needs can be met.
#podsincolor #mentalhealth #attachmenttheory #attachmentstyle #copingstyle #relationshipgoals #relationships #connection #attachment #loniswainshow #loniswainshowpodcast #instagood #popular #instadaily #viral #woc #therapyforblackgirls #browngirls #woctherapist #bestoftheday #shepodcasts
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