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This...It’s so difficult not to step in to do, fix, or solve someone else’s problems. But sometimes listening and loving without judgement is the best support we can give. Thank you @amyyoungco for the reminder. #lessfixingmoreunderstanding #humanbeingnothumandoing #loveanyway #breakingcodependency

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Great reminder from Calm app today! It can be easy to self abandon ourselves in an attempt to care for others. The line between caregiving vs. caretaking isn’t always clear. #relationalhealing #selfcare #selfattunement #breakingcodependency #authenticself #therapy

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Codependency is the habit of focusing on the other person‘s needs and ignoring your own emotional needs. Self betrayal, self-sacrifice, and self neglect are key features of a person who is struggling with codependency. If you notice that you cannot take care of yourself but you’re doing a great job of taking care of everyone else, you might be struggling with codependency. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of other people as long as there is balance and you also take care of yourself. Otherwise, it’s not sustainable and will lead to burn out, resentment, frustration, and avoiding relationships because they “feel like too much work“. Developing good boundaries will help. . . . . . #narcissism #ptsd #mentalhealth #selfcare #lettinggo #domesticviolence #narcissist #loveyourself #recovery #narcissisticabuse #empath #trustyourgut #divorce #motivation #datingadvice #selfworth #selfempowerment #mindfulness #emotionalabuse #traumasurvivor #healing #brokenheart #healthyboundaries #selflove #codependency #gaslighting #knowyourworth #breakingcodependency #codependencyrecovery #boundaries

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⁣ ⁣ Energy is real. ⁣⁣ Energy is contagious. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ You can still love someone and distance yourself from them. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ It is not your job to lift people out of their own darkness, it’s your job to find your light and spread it to whomever is drawn to it, and you cannot stay in the light if you’re being exposed to toxic behaviors or abuse. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ This is not dualism, it’s called evolving, and evolving requires us to practice self love above all, so that we can practice loving another. It’s acknowledging the dark in ourselves and others so that we can make healthier choices. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ And acknowledging that there are some, who are very unaware of their own darkness. It is NOT YOUR JOB to point it out-detach and go back to self love. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Boundaries are loving to you and to others. Use this time to reflect on where you need to work on your own, and that always starts with going within and loving yourself first.

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To the mom/dad/parent that stays in a relationship where they feel like they have to settle and lower their tolerance for how they want to be treated in a relationship just to feel some type of care...don’t settle...true love is not going to damage you. Don’t stay for the kids. Leave for yourself and for the kids to see and know real love. S/o to the single moms and dads who left a toxic situation because they knew falling for the potential of a person instead of the reality of the person is so harmful and did the hard thing and left🙌. To the people who stay and are hurting, stop looking for new signs, that betrayal or hurt is the sign. Let the courage to leave be your blessing. You got this 💪 a significant other who will cherish you and treat you the way you deserve is out there, I promise! Choose first to be single and joyful with no one hurting you over choosing dysfunctional relationships featuring unhappiness, chaos, and pain. #healthyrelationships #healthysingles #singlemom #singledad #parenting #breakingcodependency #breakinggenerationalcurses #leavingtoxicitybehind #dysfunctionalfamily #dysfunctionalrelationships

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Vía @codependency_curious_ 🙏🏻

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Day one of SAHM life is complete (although I probably just jinxed my 14 month old into waking up before midnight lol!) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’m feeling like a hot mess express but honestly it was a good day! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Being a SAHM can be so isolating, the whole lack of adult interaction thing can really get to you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’m so thankful for my team call tonight! To get to fill my cup to overflow into my family and clients!!! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Connection is so important and something I’m prioritizing in this new stage of life! How are you connecting with others today?!

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“if i could only be fit enough. beautiful enough. successful enough…then he’d turn his wild ways around and make me his queen...”⁣ ⁣ read my latest blog| How Co-Depenency Can Fuck A Girl Up | ⁣ ⁣ live now. ⁣ ⁣ xo

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True love doesn’t cheat, lie or leave ♥️😘 #breakingcodependency #twinflamehealing #healthyrelationships #unconditionallove #patience

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Yes it is..... I get it. This week I’ve been trying to work on my voice. I can’t find it! I would literally rather raise the dead than do this shit. But no.... I’ll keep going even though it’s hell uncomfortable and really shitty and irritating, because this is the only way to heal and break through. I’m dedicate. This is how I’m showing up for me this week. Tell me how you are showing up for you to heal from people pleasing. 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇🖤 #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleaserrecovery #peoplepleaserproblems #codependency #codependentnomore #codependencyrecovery #nomorecodependency #breakingcodependency #loveaddict #loveaddictionrecovery #blacktherapy #blackaf #creativelife #creative #creativebeasts #createforlife #create4life #daretolive #biancablackconsulting

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Sometimes I’m still super triggered when I hear teaching about godly marriage. It was my heart’s desire for so long, yet I found myself in a really unhealthy one. 😞 I read my Bible. I sought counseling. I went to my church leaders. I begged my husband to seek help. I quietly prayed. I publicly prayed. I tried harder. I suffered in silence. I did it all. __ Then, after a brave decision to separate from my husband, he started getting help, growing and seeking the Lord again, and then he passed away unexpectedly. All. the. feels. 😭 Some days it still doesn’t feel real. But, it is. And it was God’s hand in both of our lives. Today, I’m seeking to know myself better, lead my son in spiritual health, and choose a partner who will love God first and put us second. It’s a slow, healing, messy process. __ Two weeks ago (when I took this pic) I was overcome during the message at church. My pastor (who did our premarital counseling, was one of my bosses for a decade, counseled Paul and me throughout our marriage, at times even confronting him intervention-style and eventually preached his funeral) taught a very difficult passage that outlines God’s order and design for biblical marriage. The way it *should be* but often, even in the church, is not. I’ve linked the sermon in this post because it was bittersweet and almost healing to hear him teach the things I wished were true for so long and hope to experience one day. 🌿 __ I sat under that teaching with a friend I love dearly who’s struggling in a similar situation and today I’ve learned of a mentor/friend who’s husband passed this morning. Their marriage had a very rough season that was ultimately redeemed by God and used in the lives of countless others (mine included—she walked with me closely during my separation and my season in recovery the year after he died). I couldn’t help but weep this morning thinking of Paul + Ryan catching up in heaven right this very moment 😭🙌🏻 _ I think I might be rambling now, but there is a point. (Continued in comments) https://subsplash.com/summitlife/media/mi/+tx8tn6x

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Friends! After creating and submitting a presentation for NAEYC yesterday I had a vision...I’m currently working on a project by doing research on recovery treatment from substance use and mental health disorders. If you have ANYTHING you’d like to share on this subject feel free to contact me. 304.412.2436 PS Thank you Janie for letting me borrow your books. Thank you Holly for the confidence boost! #twelvesteps #breakingcodependency #yogaforrecovery #practiceandalliscoming

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Current status 🙋🏼‍♀️😏 #beboldandjustbeyou • If you have followed me for more than two years you may remember that I’m super passionate about marriage, it’s something I enjoy talking about—encouraging other women to be godly wives. • • Now that I’m widowed and dating again I’ve found a new passion; healthy dating! Especially since I’ve shared more about the difficult parts of my marriage (I’ll link this post to episode 101 of This #GritandGraceLife podcast where I share some deets) it’s SO important that women be intentional about who they will spend their time with from date 1 to date 201, to engagement—even if it means breaking off an unhealthy engagement. 😳💯🆘 • • Getting married won’t fix your problems, it won’t fix you (it definitely won’t fix him) and it won’t complete you. Make sure you have your own life before you even think about becoming somebody else’s wife!! #juliesdatingdiaries #singlemom #youngwidow #dating101https://thegritandgraceproject.org/podcast/julie-grahams-untold-story-of-heartbreak-healing-and-hope-101 @thisgritandgracelife #widowspeak #breakingcodependency #mygracestory

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A fresh year with fresh dreams 🌈 Have you got travel plans for this year? Or a new bucket list goal? 🤩 Tell me below where you’re heading in 2020 🥂 👇👇👇👇 Photo @ishyvi #bucketlist #goalsetting #goals #livinglife #breakingfree #breakingcodependency #codependencyrecovery #codependentnomore #recovery #healing #amazing #bigdreams #gogetem #blacktherapy #biancablackconsulting #black #travelplans #travel

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I have attempted so many numerous times to stay sober for a whole Year. (Lifelong Sobriety is the Biggest Goal) I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve tried and failed yet fall 29 times get back up 30. 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽 . . . Today I noticed that weird feeling I get that I normally drown in Alcohol and I have learned that this is coming from a place of CoDependency which is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a Partner. . . . I realized why since young I’ve always wanted a relationship because being in one meant I was loved and being loved by someone else made me feel good. . . . I have learned to stop relying on my partner to make me feel good. To truly enjoy my own company and solitude by CREATING my own Joy. Creating this video made me feel much better because I know this will help somebody else. Stay Healthy, Blessed and Keep Persevering. I Love You ❤️ #roadtorecovery #alcoholrecovery #conqueringdemons #sobriety #sobersteph #iamstepharce #humbleconfidence #deephealing #breakinggenerationalcurses #breakingcodependency #lawofattraction #redemption #saveyourself #tothineownselfbetrue #alcoholicsanonymous #teachingtheyouth #savetheyoung #changinglives #leadership

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*SAYING NO* can be a struggle when your "1st language programming" is to please others. Do you ever wonder HOW that programming gets "downloaded?" It comes from experiences in childhood- from how you were parented. (As a parent, I know most parents are trying to do their best, so no judgment -just info.) You weren't taught healthy boundaries. Without healthy boundaries, you don't learn to find a balance between giving and receiving. Your self-worth comes from giving. You'll drain yourself in the service of others and eventually have chronic health issues. The good news? Your programming can be rewired. You can learn to respond differently, with awareness. You can learn NOT to burn yourself out, and by making conscious choices, you'll lower chronic stress- and live a more balanced life! I have already filled 2 spots in my January program, "Relationship Re-Education." I have 4 spots left! If you are done with how you've been living your life, and you are ready to get back to yourself (and back to balance)- message me for more info. #selfactualization #selfcare #growthmindset #calledtochange #counseling #onlinecounseling #therapy #therapyworks #onlinetherapy #healthyboundaries #destigmatizementalhealth #doyourwork #youarebeingcalledforward #higherawareness #thisisyoursign #empowerment #breakingcodependency #codependency

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The traumas we experience as an adult mirror the traumas we survived as a child, growing up in a dysfunctional family. The coping mechanisms we formed to survive inevitably attract the same energy patterns later in life, unless we heal the traumas & core wounds at the root. How did the family first become dysfunctional? Possibly via collective or generational traumas, rooted in systemic racism. In the dysfunctional post-slavery American black family, many of those traumas stem from the traumas their ancestors survived in times of slavery. Those traumas became stored in their bodies, their DNA, and it passed down with each next generation. When you become trauma-informed, it opens your awareness of how trauma travels the timelines of our existence. And YOU can create a new trajectory for yourself and your family timeline! 💖 Healing modalities like IFS, SE, & EDMR are just a few that work to stop the time-traveling trauma train it it’s tracks, for good. 🛑✋🏽 #traumaresponse #internalfamilysystems #ifs #somaticexperiencing #emdrtherapy #Repost @unknotted_life ・・・ Tags: #healinghearts #narcissisticabuserecovery #healingfromwithin #divorcecommunity #abuserecovery #breakingfree #narcfree #emotionalabuse #narcissist #codependency #breakingcodependency #traumafree #selfforgiveness #selflove #relearningnormal

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Day 2 of Activism. Cyber Bullying affects all People from any age or walk of life.This act has negative impacts on the victims. The victims have feelings of shame and embarrassment and this makes them isolate themselves from the socila groups. The victims often have feelings of worry and this leads to more anxiety and depression #16daysofactivism #endcyberbullying #IStandWithQueentah #heremetoo #campusmetoo #gbv #psychologicalabuse #emotionalpain #emotionalabuse #narcissist #codependency #breakingcodependency #traumafree #becomingmeagain #selfforgiveness #newstories #iamnotnothing #depression #anxiety #selfesteem #onlineabuse #onlineviolence #120africanmentalhealthstories #lifeinmombasa #blackmentalhealth #onlineabuse #endcyberbullying #IStandWithQueentah

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I remember the day I saw this on @drzoeshaw’s page. It resonated deeply for me. In one of our first sessions she taught me that a lot of the things I learned to do as a child (and later, as an adult in a difficult marriage) were for my survival—but I didn’t need those survival mechanisms anymore. It was time to heal and grow 😭 • She has helped me so much on that journey. 🙌🏼 • I was honored that she invited me to join her on her podcast, The Dr. Zoe Show: Redefining Your Superwoman. It was powerful to me to record as I had some healing moments as we spoke, I hope it helps someone else, too ♥️ (Listen at the link in my bio) #beboldandjustbeyou #yourstorymattershttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/102-one-womans-journey-strength-through-loss-julie/id1248676630?i=1000455377687

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After spending over a decade in a toxic relationship and losing myself in the aftermath, I am finally in a good place in my life. I have done a lot of work to heal and it's an ever changing on going process of growth. I can only expect that same level of introspection, openness, and emotional maturity from a prospective partner. Step it up fellas! #mentalhealthawareness #communicationissexy #realmengototherapy #breakingcodependency

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•Boundaries• - Is that a hard word for you? Do you know what healthy ones are? Are you afraid to establish them or bad at keeping them? BEEN THERE! 🙋🏼‍♀️ But— I’ve found such freedom in learning to use them, and now believe that they are key to all healthy relationships! 🤭 - Want to know more about how they can serve you? Click the link in my bio for our episode of This #GritandGraceLife on this much needed topic ♥️ https://thegritandgraceproject.org/podcast/want-to-be-a-strong-woman-set-healthy-boundaries-103 #beboldandjustbeyou • • • • • • #bedeeplyrooted #propelwomen #yourinfluence #influencenetwork #healthywoman #womenshealth #breakingcodependency #healthyrelationships #boundaries #selfcare #selflove #selfworth #empoweringothers #mentalhealth #survivor #livewithintention #wisdomforwomen #strongwomen #curatedlife #thatslovely #livewithoutlimits #womensadvice #selfworth #womensissues #womensdaily #advicecolumn #askatherapist

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Healthy relationships require healthy boundaries. But do you struggle to know what they are? 🤷🏻‍♀️Whether we’re talking with a friend, significant other, family member, or stranger, boundaries matter! And sadly, healthy ones are not taught; most often, we learn that we need them when the relationships we find ourselves in begin to hurt us. On This #GritandGraceLife episode 103 @darlenebrock7 and @thejuliegraham discuss why boundaries are important. You can hear a clip in this video now, and click on Linktree in my profile then on the podcast tab to hear the full episode! • • • • • • #bedeeplyrooted #propelwomen #yourinfluence #darlenebrock #influencenetwork #healthywoman #womenshealth #breakingcodependency #healthyrelationships #boundaries #selfcare #selflove #selfworth #empoweringothers #mentalhealth #survivor #livewithintention #wisdomforwomen #strongwomen #curatedlife #thatslovely #livewithoutlimits #womensadvice #selfworth #womensissues #womensdaily #advicecolumn #askatherapist @thegritandgraceproject

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Healthy relationships require healthy boundaries. But do you struggle to know what they are? 🤷🏻‍♀️Whether we’re talking with a friend, significant other, family member, or stranger, boundaries matter! And sadly, healthy ones are not taught; most often, we learn that we need them when the relationships we find ourselves in begin to hurt us. On This #GritandGraceLife episode Darlene Brock and Julie Graham discuss why boundaries are important. You can hear a clip in this video now, and tap the link in our bio to hear the full episode! Then 🏷someone you know could use this practical advice, too! 🤓https://thegritandgraceproject.org/podcast/want-to-be-a-strong-woman-set-healthy-boundaries-103 • • • • • • #bedeeplyrooted #propelwomen #yourinfluence #influencenetwork #healthywoman #womenshealth #breakingcodependency #healthyrelationships #boundaries #selfcare #selflove #selfworth #empoweringothers #mentalhealth #survivor #livewithintention #wisdomforwomen #strongwomen #curatedlife #thatslovely #livewithoutlimits #womensadvice #selfworth #womensissues #womensdaily #advicecolumn #askatherapist

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Warning ⚠️ long 😭 post! • I tear up thinking about the significance of why I *had to* see Lee Brice in concert. His song “Hard to Love” speaks to me on every level. It was my ringtone for Paul in our hardest years. Since I first heard it + every time since, it’s moved me. I promised myself I’d see him live, and when he came to SWFL I asked #theextragirlgang to go with me and help me feel it all in person. 👯‍♀️ Then, God.🙌🏻 Kara caught a tee shirt with a set of backstage passes in it and without a blink they all said it was for me to meet him. I got goosebumps. I got to look him in the eye and tell him why his music matters to me. We agreed Paul would be with us to hear it live —and he was. I’m forever thankful for loving that man...our story is hard but God is good. ♥️ • Here are the lyrics: - “I am insensitive, I have a tendency To pay more attention to the things that I need Sometimes I drink too much, sometimes I test your trust, Sometimes I don't know why you're staying with me I'm hard to love, hard to love, Oh I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood I'm hard to love, hard to love, You say that you need me, I don't deserve it but I love that you love me good I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball Crashing into your heart like I do You're like a Sunday morning full of grace and full of Jesus And I wish that I could be more like you Girl you've given me a million second chances And I don't ever wanna take you for granted, I’m just a man.” • If you haven’t heard episode 101 of This #GritandGraceLife where I share in detail why our story is hard, you can tap the link in my bio now 🙏🏻 #LeavingPRGaLegacy // more pics from the night and a clip of the song live, too! ▶️ https://thegritandgraceproject.org/podcast/julie-grahams-untold-story-of-heartbreak-healing-and-hope-101 @thegritandgraceproject #youngwidow #widowspeak #breakingcodependency #mygracestory

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It may come as no suprise to people that know me, that I struggle with codependency issues. Something I've just come to terms with. Folks struggle with drugs, alcohol, other things, and while I certainly have, I'm now coming face to face with my fear of being disliked, rejected, or percieved as inadequate, not smart enough, etc. . . I never knew the words to match up with my actions, but now I DO know, that I've spent my whole adult life bouncing off the negative feedback loop and mental illnesses that plagued my childhood, and let my actions reverberate like bullets in a chamber. . . No more. Every year I grow stronger and healthier. This year, say goodbye to codependent me. . . #codependency #breakingthecycle #childhoodtrauma #overcomingtrauma #mentalillness #mentalhealth #familyillness #familymentalhealth #endthecycle #oregon #breakingcodependency #putyourselffirst #lovingotherscomesfrominside

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