Traumabond Photos on Instagram

See related and similar tags

And NOT because we are “LAZY.” I am mortified every time I think of the people “the toxicity” that labeled me and called me lazy because I didn’t leave. They continued on and on belittling me and making me feel like an absolute criminal for loving a man I couldn’t help but love. I no longer speak to the toxicity anymore because it is just sickening for me to be near. Can you imagine people that are supposed to love you, claim that they do, call you lazy for not leaving and getting a job. Getting a job is not the solution to a problem when a job would not have paid enough to leave anyway. People that truly love you will not further put you down for not doing what they think you should have done. And the people saying that bullshit did not even have jobs!! I am forever scarred by people shaming me. It has not been easy at all. Anybody that shames you for staying with a man you had a trauma bond with does not understand the nature of a trauma in the slightest. You don’t make fun of people with an alcohol addiction, drug addiction in the same way you shouldnt make fun of, belittle, degrade or shame a person with a deep rooted psychological trauma bond or addiction to a person. It’s time to understand that trauma bonds have a real effect on those that develop them and struggle with them. Do not feel guilty for cutting ties with anyone that shames you rather than supports you on your healing journey. #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #abuse #financialabuse #psychologicalabuse #abuseawareness #traumarecovery #abuserecovery #lovefraud #traumabond #abusiverelationships #shame #belitting #worthy #believeinyourself #supermom #superwoman #struggle #strength #whywomendontleave #madness #truthbetold #sickofthebullshit #survivor #warrior

0

#thanksma . . . #Repost @lisaaromano • • • • • • Today I will remind myself that being rejected by the people I loved programmed me to fear abandonment in my adult life, and I can let go of any old programs that keep me stuck in relationships with others that do not allow me to grow. . . . #selflove #LOVEYOURSELF #selfcompassion #selfcare #patience #healingjourney #educateyourself #traumabond #childhoodtrauma #traumarecovery #traumahealing #traumasurvivor #CPTSD #complexposttraumaticstressdisorder #complexptsd

0

So don't letum tell you shit about what they THINK you've experienced or how they THINK you should have responded. Take a fucking seat cuz you're way of thinking is abusive and blames the survivor.

1

When you put it into words like that, there’s no denying it. Even if I saw these words written way back when, I wouldn’t have been able to let go. But the words are the bittersweet truth. What I cannot deny is the truth. There is so much truth and sometimes the truth contradicts the truth. Trauma bonds contradict logic in our brains. Trauma makes us “stupid” but I don’t mean like that. I mean we know the truth, we see reality, we hate feeling alone in a relationship with our abuser, we deny, we hold on, we pray for change, we hope for the abuser to be the way he once was, we blame ourselves and in the end, we are all addicted. Psychological abuse sets off physiological changes in our bodies and minds. We know what to do but cannot do it. Addictions are stronger than us and that’s why they are called addictions. We feel powerless in the face of what gives us a temporary high. Our abusers programmed us into thinking they will deliver the promise, the dream, the words they said. But I am here to tell you it’s all a lie. Accept it as it is and accept that you loved a lie. It won’t be overnight or maybe even a year but take it slow. Take your time because you deserve to process all of it. #promises #lies #betrayal #psychopathy #abuse #survivorofabuse #traumabond #lovefraud #addictions #lovelies #weboflies #traumarecovery #abuserecovery #painisnotllve #narcissist #sociopaths #thetruth #survivorstories #domesticabuse #abuseawareness #morethanwords #foolishheart #abusiverelationship #dontbeafool

14

“WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST LEAVE?” • In the aftermath of my relationship, I was assured by professionals that yes, I was the victim of abuse. I was also informed, “this type of abuse changes your brain.” • Simply put, as a narcissistic abuse victim, your brain releases contradicting chemical cocktails during the affection/approval and neglect/abuse cycle (reward/punishment). You literally become addicted to your abuser via the neurochemical responses they elicit. This is what’s known as a “TRAUMA BOND,” more commonly referred to as Stockholm Syndrome. • COGNITIVE DISSONANCE occurs when your brain tries to explain away the conflicting emotions of simultaneously feeling threatened and comforted by your abuser. You make excuses for their behaviors to yourself and everyone around you. You convince yourself that they didn’t mean it, that you deserve it, or that it’s somehow your fault (especially since your abuser loves to tell you so). This is often referred to as “battered woman syndrome.” • This combination creates a fog so dense you can’t see what’s really happening, and even if you can, you can’t see a way out. Once away from your abuser, you experience a literal detox. You physically feel the effects of the lingering trauma bond. You crave their presence, and their absence gives you anxiety. It’s been said that this detox is worse than that experienced by heroin users. I can’t confirm that, but I can say that it’s a nightmare to find yourself thinking, “I can still jump on a plane and go back.” I now understand why I constantly forgave him, or felt like I couldn’t stay away. It’s an abuse so covert with effects so convoluted, we find it impossible to adequately answer questions like, “why didn’t you just leave?” • Victims, please be kind to and patient with yourself. You are likely experiencing what is known as “complex PTSD.” Your body and mind are at war, and you are quite literally healing and reconstructing in every way imaginable. Everything you experienced was designed to confuse and destroy you, even in the aftermath. Take your time. Feel it all, no matter how messy and confusing it is. Talk through it. Write it all out. Anything to help you untangle the web.

20

Grey rock takes practice and preparation. I have used it effectively but it does not come naturally for me, because of my warm, empathic and somewhat chatty persona. If you choose this technique, it is important that the toxic person does not become aware that this is a technique, as sometimes it can backfire, leading to an explosion of abusive behaviors. So keep grey rock on the down low. Avoid telling the toxic person you’re going to “grey rock” them, or any other such announcement. 🗿 #greyrockmethod #grayrockmethod #grayrocks #grayrock #grayrocking #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissistabuserecovery #traumabonding #traumabond #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicparents #coparentingwithanarcissist #psychopathfree #sociopathawareness #emotionalabuse #empathproblems #empath

0

The grey rock method involves a number of behavioral choices that you use in response to the abusive, controlling or manipulative behaviors of the toxic person. The idea is that you keep your head down like a grey rock and blend into the landscape. The toxic person will move on to someone else to get what they need instead. 🗿 #greyrockmethod #grayrockmethod #grayrocks #grayrock #grayrocking #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissistabuserecovery #traumabonding #traumabond #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicparents #coparentingwithanarcissist #psychopathfree #sociopathawareness #emotionalabuse #empathproblems #empath

0

Empaths and codependents feel that if they just show a toxic person enough love, be there for them enough or show them forgiveness enough times they will magically become the kind, loving people they want them to be. This is merely wishful thinking on behalf of the empath/codependent. These people never change, they just see you as a fool and weak for forgiving them time and time again. The best thing you can do is bless them silently and move on. #narcissist #traumabonding #traumabond #narcawareness #stonewalling #narcissitabusesurvivor #narcissist #narcissistabuse #narcissistsurvivorgroup #narcawareness #narcissisticabuse #domesticviolence #narcissistrecovery #narcissistawareness #narcissistsurvivor #narcissistfree #narcissistabuse #narcissitabuserecovery #covertnarcissist #toxicrelationships #manipulators #manipulativepeople #manipulation #sociopath #psychopathfree #psychology #abuse #codependency #addictions #abusiverelationships

2

Just keep swimming 🐬 . An important lesson I've learnt is that you cannot please everyone. So don't bother wasting your time trying to prove yourself to other people. Good people with good hearts continue doing good regardless of what other people think. Some people get offended by your experiences and truths because they think everything is related to them. It isn't. So worry about yourself and stop projecting on other people. This goes for everyone. Narcs shmarcs or not. . Join the @thekhandiary squad 💪🏼 . #justsaying #gaslighting #narcissistsurvivor #narcsurvivor #narcopath #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissism #triangulation #flyingmonkeys #theotherwoman #traumabonding #traumabond #stockholmsyndrome #alhamdulillah #grateful #happy #youdeservebetter #behappy #turntoallah #loveyourself #overcomingobstacles #lifecoach #empoweredwomen #thekhandiary #hustle #healingfromabuse #inittowinit

2

I have to share this after a few interesting conversations and observations. When a man is OVERshowering you with compliments and attention, you may think it's all focused on you, you may feel flattered, and that they really do like you...but with insecure/unhealed men, a lot of the time it's a completely different story. They're not complimenting you in the way you think, in fact, they're feeding off you. They're feeding off your energy when you respond and give that attention back to them. It's what they crave. It's what they feel builds their self-esteem and ego. It's all about them. They do this in cycles...from one women to the next. Each time getting a very temporary high or "boost" in ego. When it comes down to it though, they're empty inside because they're looking for fulfillment outside of themselves...which takes them back to square one. Confused, and confused men will only confuse you. Period. This is similar to the love bombing stage with a narcissist, but this is short-lived as they rarely make it "official. As long as you're open to their advances, they'll keep coming around when it suits them. Don't let a man treat you like a coffee dispenser. Don't be a pawn in somebody's game. By rejecting their attempts of manipulation, you show them that you know your worth..and that their view of you isn't going to make you feel any better about yourself than you already do. They don't have that power, only YOU do. 👑❤👑

8

Is December magical or downright miserable? . Don't get me wrong; we've had the Christmas lights hung since Nov 1st. But this time. of year can also bring back difficult memories or be a pinging reminder of the fact that you're living in a broken home. . Seasonal depression, brought on by the change of seasons can be hard enough, but then add holiday depression on top of it all and where do you even begin? . Shifting kids back and forth and trying to plan trips to be with the greater family plus the nagging reflection of the year behind us not wanting to quite let us go can be difficult to navigate to the point where you just want the holidays to end. . So what are your tips for working through the times where we. don't feel like joining in the joy of the holidays? . . . . . #beatingdepression #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #lifeafterabuse #survivorshelpingsurvivors #narcrecovery #breakups #abuse #psychologicalabue #trauma #traumabond #traumarecovery

2

👇🏼 I honestly never really understood all this stuff about trauma bonding with a narc until much later on. I didn’t have a trauma bond with my ex husband. I think that’s why there was such a relief to be rid of him. It was different than my other experiences. And unlike most narcissists who Hoover to draw you back in during separation and try to stay together he didn’t do that. I don’t believe he had any interest; he was solidly ready to find someone new. Which was A-ok with me. It was just the low level of women that he chose for being around our children that disturbed me. • But I get trauma bonds. I had one in high school with the man I lived with at 17. That was highly unhealthy and def rang of #stockholmsyndrome Then there was the guy I’d known 10 yrs post divorce and dated seriously. I wanted that to work so badly it was def difficult to untangle from mentally. Some of the hardest no contact work I’ve done. • If you need help with this I would suggest knowing your times of vulnerability. If late at night you feel that draw to text them or respond it might be good to have ready distractions for yourself. Go to sleep earlier or have movies, journaling, projects to work on. If necessary write down the negative things they did that do not serve you in healthy ways as reminders. • I hope this helps... 💜 • • • #breakups #breakup #breakupquotes #trauma #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #dysfunctional #dysfunction #traumabonding #relationships #traumabond #leavehimalone #nocontact #lifeafterdivorce #movingon #movingontobetterthings #singleandhappy #singlemoms #singleandlovingit #singlemothers #singlelady #fancyfree #divorcerecovery #divorced #startingover #boundaries #staystrong #donttextyourex #npdsurvivor

0

It's OK for you to be angry, jaded, hurt with rigid boundaries.  If that's where you are, your feelings are valid.  They are always valid. I feel that we have to give ourselves permission to have and feel ALL the negative feelings after a breakup, ghosting or let down. I just ask that ...we don't LIVE there. From a psychological perspective, your brain seeks out ways to prove the thoughts and feelings you hold subconsciously about relationships. On an energetic level, like attracts like... you hold negative thoughts and feelings about potential partners and they show up to give you that experience. Practically, we then choose the people who fit the mold from previous experiences because it is what we know. But we're done with prey/victim/powerless mode. The men in your life are really mirrors for the parts of you that need to be healed. We will always been aligned with those who mirror back to us the areas in which we need to heal or pay attention to. This means that our relationships are often our greatest ​spiritual ​assignments because they shine a light on everything unresolved issue, trigger and issue within. Every Relationship Is A Mirror If you want to attract healthy relationships then you need to be in a healthy relationship with yourself first It doesn't matter how pretty you are, the curves on your body, the car you drive or who you are “on paper”. There is NO escaping cause-and-effect. If you want to attract men who treat you like a goddess then you have to become one to yourself first Shifting from the victim to vixen mindset means you are no longer prey, but a goddess meant to be cherished because she cherishes herself. Shift the way you FEEL about yourself from ... “I can’t find any good men...he cheated on me… to “any man would be lucky to have me in his life”. . . 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼 . . ‼️If you're ready to truly learn how to stop attracting, entertaining and choosing toxic partners then you're going to love the Inner Circle membership! . . 🗣The wait-list is open, sign up now and be the first to know when we launch!  Check the link in my bio to sign up!

36