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I Never Wanted To Be Like Her

His Daughter, Beloved Wife, Mom of 4 Dog Lover, Christian Blogger Living w/ Depression, Anxiety, BPD & C-PTSD Personal: @theandersonfamilystory

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Today I went to pain management for the first time. I was very resistant, but after over a year of basically constant pain I need some relief. I was really impressed with the office. They set me up with a tens unit and scheduled me for an injection. Praying for some relief!! #chronicpain #chronicpainwarrior #chronicpainawareness #tensunit

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I feel a lot better today!! I got 10 hours of sleep last night and it helps so much. I actually felt like putting makeup on today!! PT then shopping here we come. #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicpainwarrior #fibromyalgiasucks

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One night of not sleeping well can affect so much. My whole body hurts, I have the worst headache and I just want to go back to sleep. #chronicpainsucks #chronicpainawareness #chronicpainlife #bpdturnup

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These two right here, literally keep me going on days I don’t want to. . A few things about BPD is abandonment issues and identity issues. My identity has always been in being a mom. Literally the last 15 years of my life has been about my children. But as they are getting older and needing me less I have struggled. . I am working on finding my own identity separate from being a mom and part of that is being a fur mom. I can say these two make sure I know they will never abandon me. #bpdturnup #emotionalsupportanimal #steelandstella #cosmoanderson

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I have been quiet here lately. The truth is I have been so consumed with school that is about all I have had time to think about. . I had a great Thanksgiving!! Then we had a few days with just the youngest. My husband started painting our bedroom, but wasn’t able to work on it today due to car trouble. When things don’t go as I think they should (aka car working right) I have some rough times. But I have done pretty good with handling it. . I have gotten a lot of school work done over the long weekend. With all the issues I have been having lately I was behind. Which is really not like me and super stresses me out. But I am happy to say I am pretty much completely caught up. #bpdturnup #chronicpain #chronicpainwarrior

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Repost from @helloawesomeministries using @_repostplus • Honestly, loving Jesus first will help you love others second no matter who they are! Spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings, children, friends etc. We can't love them well without loving Jesus first because through that love, out will flow the love needed for others around you. ✨ And one little note to my singles: Take this time to get so far into God's love, that it will determine who gets yours! ❤ #helloawesomemessages 📷: @instagramforbelievers

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I didn’t feel like putting on makeup before we went out, but now that I am home for the rest of the day I put it on..lol. #bpdturnup #chronicpain

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I am normally just getting out of bed about this, but I guess getting up at 5 am and already making a trip to the airport will make your activity circles ahead of time!! #bpdturnup #chronicillness

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Go check out my new YouTube video “A Week Living with BPD”, link in profile. . I am sharing all the details of how the last week has been for me. How BPD has affected everything and how I have managed it. #livingwithbpd #bpdturnup

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My current reading material, I always have at least one of these books in my purse. . I absolutely love “The Fibro Manual”. I am learning so much and it is really helping me. Right now my focus is sleep, but it has some really good info and we have a game plan right now. . “The Body Keeps the Score” has been such an eye opener. It’s sad to think about the trauma such young kids are exposed to, but it definitely makes you think about things differently. . School!! I am learning so much in my “Introduction to Biblical Interpretation”. I am really enjoying this class. I just wish it went a little slower so I made more time to really process everything I am learning. #bookstagram #fibromanual #bodykeepsthescore #collegestudent #theologymajor

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When people say “it’s all in your head”, or “your obsessed with your mental health”. The trauma I lived through and the ptsd I have to control today is not just in my head, it’s trauma and learning how to deal with it. I am obsessed with my mental health because I’m trying to find a way to make myself better, I want to heal and be a better person here in this world. So, yeah. I’m obsessed with healing, I’m obsessed with making myself better, I’m obsessed with getting passed this traumatic life experience. I’m obsessed with growth and knowledge on how I can do this, and how I can relay this knowledge to help others get through it to. Be kind to one another 🙏🏼 . . #repost @borderlinesurvivor . . . . #mentalhealthmatters #flawedandfabulous #ptsd #endthestigma #anxiety #depression #motivation #inspiration #healing #bpd #selflove #mentalillness #recovery #coping #loveyourself #mindfulness #positivevibes #suicideprevention #wellness #mentalhealthawareness #meditation #health #borderlinesurvivor

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Fake it till you make it!! I have always been on to put on a smile and pretend like everything is ok, when on the inside I am completely broken. . I have been through so much in life that I can smile at what is to come because I know God is going to bless me for my pain. #bpdturnup . Repost from @_nicole_barbour using @_repostplus • I could be burned a thousand more times, but nothing compares to the scars I already hold. Live fearlessly, love fearlessly and never give in. #ptsdawareness #bpdawareness #recoveryispossible

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“You promise?” Such strong words. I never make a promise to my children I know I can’t keep. I don’t want to cause them that pain. Don’t promise me something you can’t do!! #bpdturnup . Repost from @borderlinesurvivor using @_repostplus • 🙏🏼 . . #repost @emotional_flowerbomb . . . . #mentalhealthmatters #flawedandfabulous #ptsd #endthestigma #anxiety #depression #motivation #inspiration #healing #bpd #selflove #mentalillness #recovery #coping #loveyourself #mindfulness #positivevibes #suicideprevention #wellness #mentalhealthawareness #meditation #health #borderlinesurvivor

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People don’t really understand what trauma does to a person’s brain. . It changes your brain. It takes work to get it back to where it was before. . But what happens when the trauma trigged pain that doesn’t go away?? #bpdturnup #rapesurvivor #chronicpainwarrior #traumarecovery

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Sleepy time tea and a hot bath!! My nightly routine to help me not hurt and rest well. . I had a good appointment with my PCP today. We are increasing some of my meds and talked about how trauma especially childhood trauma can make people more susceptible to neuropathy pain because of my nervous system not knowing how to properly process pain. . I feel like I am starting to accept my diagnoses is fibromyalgia and there isn’t some other underlying issue causing my pain. Now to really learn how to live with fibromyalgia to keep the pain at bay. It’s been a hard year of a lot of pain and a lot of stress. . Boundaries are so important!! My therapist has been talking to me about boundaries for a while now and today my PCP talked about them. There are a few people who cause stress in my life. Now that my mother has passed most of those people are out of my life because I have set boundaries. Now I am setting boundaries with the other people. #chronicpainwarrior #chronicpainawareness #nighttimeroutine

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This was too funny not share but at the same time so true!! #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicpainwarrior #chronicillnesswarrior #fibro

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