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Emee

โ˜€๏ธโ™Š Complicated ๐ŸŒ›โ™‘ Conflicted โฌ†๏ธโ™’ Out there โค๏ธโ™‹ Romantical ๐Ÿ›ฃ๏ธ Fast driving ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป Slow dancing ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ถ All about it ๐ŸŽฎ๐Ÿ–ฒ๏ธ The only games I play ๐Ÿ’‹โ˜ ๏ธ Redhead

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Slept with my #tarotdeck last night in hopes of getting clarity on things. I think this is pretty clear. The #strengthcard and reversed #chariot: time for inner strength and #willpower. I'm not committing to and working my plan to get out of here as much as I need to be (reversed #eightofpentacles). It's time tap into #aries energy and #theemperor for more structure and power. Let's push things forward, but in a smart way. I see a lot of balance and Duality here with the #Temperance card and #thelovers, then reversed judgement card in front of the pair of knights. Watery cups vs grounded pentacles. This all or nothing workaholic mentality burns me out and then I get discouraged and wind up escaping into some hobby for a few days or a week. However long it takes for me to get back to a happier place. Not good. On days that will be stressful with family obligations, I need to keep my deadlines and workload super light. When I get stressed, I don't sleep. Then that messes up my work schedule. So starts the cycle. It's okay to take breaks. It's okay to spend some time just relaxing, watching a video, playing a game. #twoofswords: two options for mindset -- empty cups (reversed #tenofcups) or abundance ( #theempress). I want to stay positive and believe in the progress I'm making. The pattern of colour struck me also. The #knightofcups in blue and the #knightofpentacles in brown compared to the two figures on their knees in the reversed #sixofpentacles. Then below the red and green robes of the reversed #queenofpentacles and also again in the #threeofwands. Hello #twoofcups. Yes, I know that being isolated and grumpy isn't going to help me find a mate. Going out and "seeing the world" with all its opportunity will. I'm getting there.

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I took this photo of A1A in Hallandale Beach over in South Florida at least a decade ago. But man, it's so how I feel my life is right now. I think everything is going the right way, straight through. But bam, banked overpass off to another direction. Thought I had been getting through to my family about staying in communication and just being safe. There are only four of us. This week has done nothing but show that they have no consideration at all for my concern or feelings. They're all 65+ and in shit health. But whatever. I'm not a probation officer. I just wish I'd get a text saying "I'm OK" when I ask because you're 1500 miles away and I haven't heard from you in over a week or you go out to dinner and don't get home til midnight. I wish I could learn how not to let my feelings be hurt over this. Yes, this would make my relationships with these people more transactional and less familial. But when I'm treated more and more like an employee and never asked after without it immediately being followed up with a request for me to do something -- that isn't really family either, is it? Man. I so underappreciated my mother. I feel so fucking alone in the world right now. I'm OK. It's just like a slap from reality. #familystuff #dysfunctionalfamily #toxicrelationships #boundaries #adulting #tryingtodobetter #thisisreallife #stress

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The reason why I love sunsets so much is that it means I have made it through the day. Whether it was the grind of a high pressure job in a law office and then seeing the sunset on the drive home or making it through a day of high strung familial interactions and just stepping outside for a breather. The setting sun on the horizon has always been there to greet me and comfort me. It marks the end of the heat and the start of a cooler atmosphere in winter. And in summer, it is often accompanied with a relaxing, cleansing rain storm. It's not that I dislike the sun (I love it and it's warmth), but I just love the night and the moon. The weather here in my part of Florida has been amazing lately. Very mild, super sunny, few clouds. Took this on Friday. Normally, I go for my drives late at night when the streets are empty, but it was so beautiful out the trade off with traffic was worth it. Probably going to do the same today, roll down the windows, and just cruise. Going to do some Tarot for the week ahead before I head out. #floridasunset #floridasky #onthewater #anxiety #justbreathe #onedayatatime #geminisun #babywitch #witchesofinstagram #waterenergy #saltlife #relaxingsunday

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I have such a deep love and appreciation for #tarot. Been going through a bit of a funk lately, but tonight I finally got around to doing my weekly reading for myself. Went with a more narrative style. What's amazing about this is you can read the three individual "statements" left to right and then read the cards top to bottom and it further reinforces the main point with more clarity. This weekend, I'm going to try and do a full write up on the blog. As an example: 1st row: #sixofpentacles, the #hierophant, #aceofcups, with #thechariot, #tenofswords, and #hangedman reversed. A certain type of person is going to come along (hello, #earthsigns), acknowledge and say some things. Then say some more really nice things. But they haven't made any changes. There hasn't been any real movement. I will see this (I personally interpret reversed hanged man as positive perspective), get some closure, and not be hurt like I used to be. And if you read that row top to bottom starting with the Six of pentacles followed by #kingofswords and #fourofpentacles: I'm a #writer with a #geminisun and #stellium. So I take that king card as an indicator of levelling up and power. The respect and recognition will come. Stay focused on the goals and saving money. I've got stuff to do. Work and money for now. Love will come later. #tarotreading #radiantriderwaite #tarotcommunity #babywitch #spiritualjourney #witchesofinstagram #stayingfocused

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#thelovers reversed, #deathcard, and #twoofpentacles. Yes, I'm growing into myself on this journey, but I also need to make some decisions about my life and commit to the plan to get me the rest of the way. No more back and forth. I want off the see-saw. Had a massive battle with #anxiety last night. Was completely blindsided by it as I had had a super fun day seeing and photographing some amazing cars at the beach. It was all I could do to stay focused on my breathing and try to chill in the wee hours of the morning. At some point, I passed out in bed and woke up feeling fine around 9am. Went to take a shower and it came right back. I gave in and reached out to my relative to talk through it. She was supportive and it was overall a positive interaction between us. It also highlighted where I have overlooked a bias against her in our relationship. I'm going to work more on that. My health is definitely a #trigger for me (I come from a family with some major health problems) and it in turn seems to be the main trigger for my #eatingdisorder these days. The irony. I got mad at myself, but I made the decision to halt the behaviour and I did. I'm noticing that it's taking less and less time for me to do that. March has been a very good month for my nutrition, much better than the last three. Still, many more good days than not. Almost finished with classes. Keeping it moving. Missing writing though. Soon. #tarot #radiantriderwaite #tarotcommunity #spiritualjourney #babywitch #witchesofinstagram #tarotreading #anxietyattack #disorderedeating #familyissues

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I'm really determined to make Sunday my relax and plan day. In addition to doing a #tarotreading for my week ahead, I'm going to get back to factoring #astrology #transits into my scheduling and workload. Looks like this weekend will be great for writing and exploring both the real world and my inner world. I also read @lisastardustastro #horoscopes at @thehoodwitch. Defo gonna set up some cord work and cleansing. This little app works a real treat. It may not be fancy, but it's super lightweight and easy to flip forward or backward through days. Certain people seem to be drifting away, and I'm just taking it in stride.. #babywitch #witchesofinstagram #Mercuryretrograde #geminisun #capricornmoon #marsincapricorn #jupiterinpisces #natalchart #birthchart ๐ŸŽถNobody gonna slow me down, oh no. I got to keep on movin'.๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป

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I think I'm gonna go with Door Number Two, Bob. #tenofswords #tenofcups #twoofswords #tarot #radiantridewaite #nomoredoubt #babywitch #witchesofinstagram #geminisun #aquariusrising #mercuryingemini #lifechanges #lettinggo #clarity #divinationcommunity #tarotcommunity Sometimes, when I get really down and frustrated, I will doubt my #intuition particularly when doing a reading for myself. It never fails that I get a swift shake back into reality with a crystal clear draw like this.

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Really? What offends me about this is not that it's a joke. If a fellow #witch Who loved cars posted this, I would've loved it. Instead, it's a company using a reference to a very powerful act as a punchline to an advert because it's an edgy meme on social media right now. I highly doubt that company would 1) make a reference like that to another spiritual act belonging to one of the big three (and I don't mean US Automakers here) and 2) come out in defense of those who use such a ritual when hateful comments would start. I mean, I'm not surprised when this is the (German) company who thought it would be okay to do an advert using the phrase "green police" as marketing for their diesels and we all know how those turned out. And yes, I 100% dislike everything about VW/Audi/Porsche's business practices. #witchesofinstagram #babywitch #magick #ancestorwork #wicca #paganism #witchypath #spirituality #witchcraft

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Every home my family has owned we have lost to foreclosure. The home my grandparents purchased in the 50s. The house my parents bought after I was born. The house I grew up in in Palm Beach. The house we owned for ten years in South Florida. There's always a financial risk when you're a small business owner. You can be churning 3mil a year and the next be temporarily shut down long enough to lose all chance of recovery. The first things people grab for to try and keep things afloat to "hang on just a little longer" are the savings accounts and life insurance policies. And when that runs out, you start filling out applications for government assistance. The other things you can't predict are deaths and catastrophic illness. Even when you manage to dig your family out of the hole, it still takes time to rebuild. Life doesn't stop for you to replenish your safety net. It's expensive to bury people. It's even more expensive to be sick. I had a dream last night that a relative was going through foreclosure. Saw the attorney, sat in on the meetings. All of it. This relative bought a home a year ago. Two months later, their employer opted not to renew their contract after five years of work. They've been at a new job for three months. Things seem to be going okay. It doesn't stop me praying though. When I woke up, I wasn't afraid. Just thought it interesting. Very realistic. When I was shuffling the deck and spoke aloud that I wasn't worried, that's when I started to cry. I really was afraid. Even after we went to leasing homes (they stayed on the east coast, I went back home to the west coast), we all seemed to move every couple of years. Relationships broke up, people got sick, people died. It took me almost two years here to feel comfortable enough to unpack. Two years of living in boxes because I dreaded unpacking them just to have to do it all over again. These are the cards I drew about the dream. Some I like, some I don't. There was one question I wanted to ask, but wasnt comfortable enough to. We lost our strongest earning business because of a disgruntled employee. Things haven't been right since, but they are better. Makes me wonder.

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Things didn't quite go according to plan today (hello, #Mercuryretrograde). But my #mardigras cake did turn out as yummy as it is ugly rofl. The #brownbutter and cinnamon caramel creme #icing (next time it's gonna get some #bourbon in it.) was super light but very rich. What you can't see are the salt and sweet roasted nuts. For a modified box white cake (extra eggs and diff oil/water ratio) I was pretty impressed with the flexibility of the cake. It took to rolling very well. Might use this for a yule log this year. Though I didn't get to listen to music and get my #nawlins on in an empty house, the day was relaxed and pleasant. I'm slowly getting comfortable in the kitchen and learning to enjoy the experience rather than fret over something not being perfect. I hope everyone had a chance to let loose and dance around even if it was just in your room in your pyjamas. #tastierthanitlooks #cakebaking #dancepartyofone

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I have the day off tomorrow for #mardigras2019 and I'm so excited. It may also be true that both relatives will be out of the house meaning I will be able to blast all the blues and jazz I want while cooking and baking! Yay! Though I no longer consider myself Catholic, I do still enjoy the Mardi Gras celebrations. I typically mark it as the last major celebration/feast until my birthday in late May. Lots of clean eating, working hard, not much socialising for the next 2.5 months. It just seems to be how life cycles for me. March and April are always tough, but they pay off in the summer. As for #mercuryretrograde starting tomorrow also? You know, I'm just gonna take my time, enjoy good food and music and chill. Might even rewatch some of #treme. Be safe y'all. #cakebaking #laissezlesbontempsrouler #mardigras #allthesugar #wishiwasinneworleans

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My #grandmother loved orchids. She had amassed quite a garden of them around the pool area that she lovingly tended to even on days she wasn't feeling well. I remember when she had our handy man install large roll down blinds that she would lower to protect them from the South Florida sun. In tribute to her, I made an orchid #diademuertos crown that I now keep on my #altar. This is just one of the dozens of orchids I photographed a couple years before she passed. In fact, this summer will be a full decade since her death. I've noticed that as I've gotten older time (as a measurement) feels almost alien. Like what 20yr old me would feel of ten years passing is something 30yr old me can't feel anymore. A detachment of sorts. One thing I'm working on is committing to Sunday being my #witchyday. If I'm ahead or behind in work, I take the day to study, do tarot, research, experience. Could I make insane progress working Saturday AND Sunday? Sure. But I need one day a week to recharge and reconnect to what's important to my journey. To my fellow #workaholics, you deserve your You Time. Respect it, adhere to it. #namethatflower #orchidlover #witchesofinstagram #ancestorwork #tarotcommunity #happysundayeveryone

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I posted another #journal entry on my blog this morning. In it, I talk about being a #babywitch in the #broomcloset and the recent experiences with family that keep me in it. Spoiler Alert: #racism, #politics, and #Christianity are the major themes. So far, #WordPress has been very therapeutic and helped to broaden my perspective on what I write about. Definitely going to stick with it. #witchesofinstagram #spiritualjourney #witchcraft #witchblog #religion #discrimination #familyissues #pelican #floridasunrise #saltlife

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From #coinstar to #conjure. After cleaning out one storage bin worth of handbags, I scored just over 30$ in change. Bonus that the closest machine to me has also been upgraded to issuing gift cards so I was able to get the full amount on an amazon card. Goes to show that those coins really do add up! I'm really excited to read #hoodoo herb and root magic by #catherineyronwode of #luckymojo. Got the Black Folder and Papers book as well. #babywitch #witchesofinstagram #spiritualjourney #magick #witchybooks #folkmagic #religion #spirituality

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Surfed too long. A gift from my father when I was 13. ๐Ÿ’€If only he knew. This bin has been (hah!) in storage for seven years. My family bought me my first computer when I was nine. 20+yrs later, I think they still regret it rofl. #unpacking #gamerforlife #skeleton #livingdeadgirl #movingin #knickknacks #caveira #gamergirl #pcgaming #ps4gaming #sorrydaddy

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TW: #panicattack discussion. It's been an interesting couple of days. Been very active and motivated in getting things done, cleaning, organizing, completing classwork. If asked, I'd say I've been having good days. But man, #anxiety has come on super quick and hard sporadically. Really acute. Like right now. If I stop working on this post, I'd probably start to hyperventilate, which would then make me panic. And here I thought #piscesseason was going to be a cake walk. Silly #airsign girl. My father and stepmum have separated for the third (or fourth?) time in their two years of marriage. He finally told me last week ( #tarot was dropping hints around valentines day). I took it in stride. Her birthday is today. I have mixed feelings about the split. He sounds good and plans to move back out west. We've been talking here and there. He deserves to be happy. Even if that's 2500 miles away. As long as he's OK, I'm ok. We have Skype, right? That #firesign relative of mine that I've been working to rebuild with is having a health issue. I have a feeling about it. I would be lying if I said there isn't a part of me that's scared. Really scared maybe. I'm sure this is the root of feeling ill at ease. I don't want to speak much about it and give it life. Hopefully, she will tire of my nagging and see the doctor. I decided to post this photo, because it calms me -- the water, sand, and #palmtrees. Beautiful, endlessly blue sky. It's very similar to the place I go during #meditation. Tomorrow, I'm going to try and finish my work early so that I can go sit at the beach with my feet in the sand. Starhawk's grounding and going to the well meditations really help get me back on track when the anxiety is rearing its ugly head. Take it easy out there, peeps. #familystuff #selfcare #babywitch #starhawk #saltlife #floridagirl #gulfcoastlife

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Got a #cardamom and #oudwood #candle burning. I've noticed that after a long day in front of the screen, lighting a three Wick candle like this one to illuminate part of my bedroom helps my eyes and mind #relax. I turn it so the label is facing the wall and it sits high a top the desk so the #candlelight fills more of the room. The gentle glow in the background is a nice step down from the harsh office lamp while I Netflix before bed. Plus the fragrance is really indulgent. #relaxation #netflixandchill #candlelover #inbed #socomfy #theweekisalmostover #isitfridayyet #geminisun

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In addition to putting my crystals/stones and #tarotdecks out under the #virgo #supermoon, I put together a sweet batch of #floridawater featuring flowers from a Valentines Day bouquet. 1) #chrysanthemum for protection and strength. 2) #statice for peaceful collaboration. 3) #culantro for success. 4) #juniper berries, one for each family member, plus an additional one to represent new people who may come into our lives. These are to protect against theft and injury. 5) #cilantro for healing, good health, and peace. 6) #mint for wealth, spiritual assistance, and good communication. 7) #rosemary to clear out the space and encourage honesty, confidence, and transformation. 8) #fenugreek for drawing wealth into the home and boosting women's health. 9) #sage for banishment of all things negative, wisdom, and healthy brain/memory. 10) #saffron #salt to bring happiness, healing, grounding, and focus. 11) #bergamot, #lavender, #sweetorange, and #rosegeranium oils. 12) #crystalhead #vodka that's filtered through #quartz. #babywitch #witchcraft #witchesofinstagram #spellwork #blessing

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