Girl and Dog. Sometimes frogs.
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Replacing the old shitty plastic-levered handles with new shitty plastic handles. Oh yes and then there was the time where the other door handle broke from the outside and got me locked out of my open, un- locked car. Metaphor? I guess there is more than one way to be closed off. The locksmith couldn't figure out how get into the car because he was a righty and that side of the door had the handle broken on the inside too. So nothing to snag onto. After an hour of cursing he told me to break a window. But then, I called friend and friend came over with a saber saw and cut into the already broken shitty plastic handle and I've been joyously using pliers to open the door. But the point is, think twice if a professional tells you to break the window and consider they've been trained to fix certain things, not to creatively assess rare occasions of disaster. I'd rather be the latter. I liked the guy, I really like him, he was like a slapstick accidental Charlie Chaplin assistant locksmith, but then again, think twice about listening to professionals that you like.
One of my favorite things is how, like, with humans, like, with animals, like, with survival instincts, like, when someone is down and out like, they aren't "cool" or "successful" or in good health I.e. when they appear to have weakness, I just love seeing how humans are just mostly so like lemmings and they just drop the shit out of the weak link and keep going, making sure not to associate too closely with the down and out. But the best thing about all of this, is that the people that are being "left behind" because they don't fit in the paradigm, because they are struggling, because they are weak, damn they're not weak they're becoming unbeatable. The lemmings can take their little ideas of success and enjoy them while they last. I'll take the stragglers that people subtly cancelled engaging with because they smelled weakness or sadness or need in them. You're just running from yourself. Which means essentially, that if life were really a rat race, you're running backwards and you're about to lose. But the very best part is, I've watched the transformation of people's flavor of engagement based on how successful they perceive me to be at any given time and it's like magic, like, you make an image and they fucking eat IT up. Image is power. You take away the image, willingly, show a different image, they believe you. I guess the real point is, people will believe you, so who do you really want to be? And then when you know you can just feed the hungry dogs your image and you just watch, it will soar. And maybe the other point is, maybe being a good friend is to not believe your friends' images but to believe in your friends and ignore the images that they might project to the world out of necessity.
Watching the young hunter
I'm hunting you young hunter
I don't know what to say, it's like, all I do is watch Bjork documentaries, listen to Bjork, dream of the clear subtle hues of eternal twilight in a glacier land and somehow I feel that Bjork is healing me. It's just, I think that's what's happening.
"I speak my truth with conviction because I know why I believe what I believe." Jon Ikerd
Already a Baller. Great rhythm great form, possessor of the un-teachable improvisational tiger within. Look at that wrist movement.
Sometimes when people say mean things to you and they tell you things they don't like about you, it's actually because they like you a lot maybe even love you and they're scared. That doesn't mean it's okay, I mean it's okay, but not okay for you, but just in case you didn't know, that's a thing, that can happen.
The world is your already opened oyster when you, like me, take back your power by forgiving yourself for the mistakes you think you made, speeding through the back roads taking it back to stupid awesome emo high school by blasting "float on" from the modest mouse album you bought at the library sale for a $ on a Tuesday, then beating an arch nemesis in Egyptian Rat Screw (card game). Power.
I just had a delightfully playful argument with a parks and rec lady as she kicked me out of my parking spot blocking the gate she needed to drive through. We talked about the spread of poison parsnip and why the degradation of Iowa's soils (let's be specific here, the increased drenching of chemical fertilizers, nitrification of waterways, blowing away of topsoil in response to monocropping, compaction of soil from tilling and loss of plant diversity, loss of plants with root depth, growing heavy feeders like corn, and creation of a salt pan) leads to conditions that allow for the re-balancing, less-humus-loving plants to proliferate. She was all like, this is how it is, we're a farm state we've got great soil, poison parsnip has been around forever and it'll be around, nature balances itself out. And it came to me, that we only say, "well this is just how it is" when we don't understand systems and their components in relation to time and causation. This is just how it is is, in my opinion, is one of the most false statements ever to be made. For two reasons; because it denies agency, or the aliveness of factors, and therefore it denies circumstance I.e. denying adapted understandings of time and place. It was a healthy fun sparring. She believes nature can balance herself out, and I believe, we are nature.
Opened an old book to a chapter about Sir Isaac Newton and an old self in Colorado, circa 2013.
Just read the term "creative progress" and thought, what an oxymoron. Headspace. What if creativity at its most fundamental denies the need for progress, denies the concept of progress, is devoid of sequential progress, never progresses but is only found and re-found in different forms.
Hand-twisting cotton from the farm into rope to metaphorically pull myself out. While twisting, I imagine myself to be a less-adept, fumbling kind of modern imitation/ wannabe version of the Russian shamans that carried owl claws on their belts in order to claw themselves out of the underworld. Worth a try right? Stroking the softness is worth it.
Friends with which to throw small objects into water.
Growing old together
Boy with flower star cheek maple shadow
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