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Breadcrumbs from my new book, “I used to be a miserable fu*k, a man’s guide to a meaningful life”. Dropping Jan 19’.
In the U.S. alone, thirty thousand people commit suicide each year. Out of those, 79 percent% are men. While women are more prone to having suicidal thoughts, men are actually more likely to do it. Some six million men in America are diagnosed with depression annually. While depressed women are more likely to report feelings of sadness, helplessness, and guilt, men are more likely to suffer in silence and not seek treatment. Researchers say it is often more difficult for men to identify their illness. Men with depression are more likely to report fatigue, irritability, and loss of interest in work. You probably don’t need me to tell you that 99 percent% of mass shootings are reportedly to be done by men.
I can’t talk about men without talking about women, who for far too long have suffered at the hands of boys who fail to grow up into men for far too long. Eighty-five percent of all victims of domestic violence victims are women. One in three women have has been a victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their her lifetime. Domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families, with 50 percent% of all women who are homeless reporting that domestic violence was the immediate cause of them their leaving home, according to The the National Center on Family Homelessness. And of course, this trickles down to the children. Some 40 to –60 percent of men who abuse women also abuse children. One out of every five 1 in 5 number of teenage girls says they she have has been in a relationship where the boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if a breakup was were to occur. All of this abuse feeds on itself, and this cycle needs to be broken. It’s not about blame. It’s about taking responsibility. Now more than ever we have a duty to take ownership and redefine ourselves. #miserablefuck
Most of us are seeking pleasure not happy. We are chasing things that give us a surface high. Not a deep feeling of fulfillment and meaning. Pleasure is important and a part of life but not something you hang your life on. Because pleasure always seeks more pleasure. It’s a chasing of one’s tail, an itch that can never be fully scratched. Happy is not chased. It’s built, with sweaty hands and a vision. Happiness is not about comfort. Happy comes with stress and anxiety and fears. Happy comes with failures. Happy comes with pain and rejection. A hard long swim swallowing lots of salt. But there is a peace with happy that pleasure can never produce. A deep peace that allows you to reflect, make sense of your story and believe in possibilities. Believe there was a reason. You build happy with courage, hard work, forgiveness and faith. Pleasure is about you. Happiness is about something bigger.
Tag someone who needs this reminder.
I brought my giant cheap mic to Costa Rica just because I had the idea of doing a podcast in the jungle, knowing that no one would even know since it’s just audio. Sometimes you just have to do things for you.
Happy Monday! New episode. How to thread mindfulness into your life. Dishes, walking, sex, eating chips, a great note to self. Something I need constant reminder of. But it really is required if you want to live in color. Click my bio link and hit Podcast.
My friend @deanna_moffitt reminded me of when I once said life is shit with moments of joy. It’s actually the other way around. Life is joy with moments of shit.
Men, read up!
New article! Why it’s important to look at things through the right lens. If you take two people. Both with the same tools and resources, same gender, same age, same general upbringing with the only difference being the way they see the world. They will live very different lives. Click my bio link then hit Medium.
Many people are interested in better relationships, healthier bodies, building a business, passion fueled careers, and personal transformation. But very few are actually committed. And that difference will determine success or failure. You can visualize all day. But if there's no action behind your vision and when I say action I mean daily action, and by daily I mean threaded into your life every single day, there will be no change. All you'll have are ideas in your head and discouragement in your heart. So whatever you're building or rebuilding, know that it's one brick at a time. The only short cut is consistency. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Fear is not an excuse. Get. Off. Your. Ass. You don't need to see the island. You just need to start swimming.
My first question is can I call you JLo? My second question is why are you allowing yourself to invest in someone who is not treating you well? It doesn’t seem like he’s being honest with you. Why are you with someone who “disappears” on you and still has an ex in the picture? But it seems like you’ve made the decision to let go which is good. The next part is the how. You have to separate your emotions and attraction from who this person really is. Once you are able to clearly see him, it will be easier to let go because you won’t want him. I think right now it’s hard because of feelings or because you don’t want to be alone. If you don’t want to be alone, you need to be alone or you’re setting yourself up for a lot of Al Anon meetings. Focus on you. Set new non negotiables. And find someone who deserves you. Because what’s important is to give yourself a healthy positive love experience or you’ll keep creating false beliefs and unhealthy patterns.
What does staying loose look like for you? What are you holding onto too tightly? Grudges? Resentment? Definitions? Old blueprints. Do you need to be easier on yourself? What would it look like to loosen? Stiffness will always separate you from the object, whether we’re talking about motorcycles or life. And when you separate, you go down. Staying loose, keeps you one. Staying loose allows you to dance with it, flow with it, and eventually become it. Hold on but stay loose.
“I’m sure you get asked tons of questions a day, but am crossing my fingers that you’ll stumble upon this one and want to answer it. I’m going through what they now call “dating fatigue.” I’ve gone on a good amount of dates these past few months, and will end up dating these guys for a couple weeks, only to find out that they’re looking for something casual. I would like to think I’m an optimistic person but I’ve been feeling really disheartened lately and worry that I won’t find the right person (while also getting emotionally exhausted from the constant ups and downs). How do you put the fun and joy back into dating, when it’s gotten to the point where you end up feeling more disappointed than happy majority of the time?”
Click on my bio link and hit Medium for my answer.
Answering a question about dating fatigue. Tag anyone you know experiencing dating fatigue and needs to hear this. #breadcrumbs
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