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Problems will never go away. They will keep coming at us like crashing waves, into our heads. Until we drown in them. It’s not the problem itself but rather how we see the problem that will allow us to ride the waves instead of drowning in them.
Problems come in all forms, from friction in relationships to not knowing what to do with our lives. Most problems are magnified due to our thinking and attitude about the problem. If we feel powerless, a loss of control, we instantly dip into panic which creates anxiety. And the problem grows.
What is your current problem? What would it look like to detach from this problem? Mentally and emotionally? I’m not saying not care about it or don’t do anything about it but rather not grab, hold on, live in the problem. Instead, what if you saw the problem as it’s own thing, detached from you? As if it’s in a snow globe. Observe it as something that is happening outside of you. Why do you think problem showed up in your life? What can you learn from this problem? Notice your resistance and where it’s coming from. Now what can you control and not control? Of what you can control, what action steps need to be taken to adjust to this problem? Or even solve it? Focus more on how you need to think instead of what you need to do for the problem to no longer have power over you. When you start to see the problem from a new non attached perspective, it shrinks. And your attitude about the problem changes. Once your attitude changes, the problem may no longer be a problem.
Iron Man has become famous and he’s on stage dancing with a line of beautiful women, soaking in the limelight... We PAN DOWN and now we’re in the basement where we see a man making electric whips and shit, doing pull ups with scars on his chest and we know when this man surfaces, shit’s going to go down. Link in my bio.
Me coming to America when I was three. Me slipping out the back at parties so I don’t have to say goodbye to everyone. My response when they tell me to stretch after a workout. Me in the bathtub on shrooms. Me running toward myself, it’s taking forever. Me getting into your head.
When you get to a place where you like yourself, the action of loving yourself will come more naturally. You’ll have non-negotiables. You won’t torerate certain behavior from others. You’ll seek less approval. Your friendships will be less lopsided. You won’t have as many holes to fill within you. You’ll be more gentle with yourself, more forgiving. You’ll believe you deserve more, better, different. You’ll finally stop breaking the promises you’ve made with you. And the relationship you have with youself will improve.
But we are not meant to do it alone. We are tribal creatures. Literally wired to grow and rebuild ourselves through others. Find your tribe at www.jrni.co. My fitness tribe is @pharosechopark . Coach @pvtlighthouse #awriterslife #theangrytherapist
It’s a bumper sticker that causes us to dig moats instead of build bridges. Click my bio link to read.
Yes I want to be able to shop at Whole Foods every single day and have a dope house in the hills with a podcast room, Korean bbq in the backyard, a collection of motorcycles in the garage, and a view that makes you want to wear nothing but an opened robe. Fuck yeah I do. And I’m working hard for that shit. But there is a difference between wants and needs. At the end of the day, I actually don’t need much. I’ve learned that all I really need is -
A space to be creative.
Meaning / a sense of purpose.
Good friends / healthy relationships.
The thing is none of these things cost money. But yet they are imperative in living a fulfilling life. They matter more to me than anything money can buy. I didn’t always have these things because I was always chasing the other things. And I was always miserable because I didn’t have them. Today, I put weight on these things, and I have them. They are simple but took years to build. And if I never get the other things, I’m totally okay with it. As long as I have these, I’ll be more okay.
I worked with hundreds of “troubled” boys for many years and there is a common thread.
What is love to you?
I’m leading a retreat in Costa Rica form April 30- May 6. Come join me. Click my bio link for the scoop. Yoga, mediation, monkeys. And me.
If you're going to dream, dream past what you want for you and imagine what you want for the world. If you're going to sweat, push yourself like it's the last time. If you're going to work on yourself, fully invest with no excuses. If you're going to engage with someone, exchange souls. If you're going to teach, break the rules. If you want to grow, be a student. To everything. If you're going to give someone your heart, fall back with your arms folded, without judgment, conditions, and expectations. If you want to build something, get obsessed.
Thanks guys @heatherlizy for sending me pics with my shirts! Click my bio link if you want one!
On Psychology Today. I guess just in time for Vday. Let’s talk about true adult intimacy. I put it on my Medium blog. Click my bio link if you got 7 minutes.
Follow the outlined 3 steps and you'll get entered to win a signed copy of my book, “The Angry Therapist: A No BS Guide To Finding and Living Your Own Truth.”
1. Follow us at @jrni_co
2. Like this photo.
3. Comment with one of the biggest lessons you've learned so far in life + tag 3 friends who you think might benefit from our content.
4. Screenshot this image and upload it to your story (make sure to tag us at @jrni_co) so we can enter you in the giveaway. Winner will be announced by Wednesday! #jrni”
Meditate anywhere. at Blue Bottle Coffee
I haven’t seen a therapist is a while. Mostly due to being lazy. And not feeling that I needed to. But recently I felt the itch to get back into the room. I used to love therapy. Sipping hot coffee in front of someone who will listen to you without judgment. Are you kidding me?! Processing all the shit that comes up throughout the week. Then leaving lighter, sometimes with life changing revelations like the ones I had today. I forgot how powerful therapy can be.
If you break your arm but have no idea you broke your arm, you will deal with the pain and adjust to your life around your broken arm. - panic. Instead of understanding what is going and healing from it. - calm. Therapy isn’t just about talking about your feelings. Therapy is about understanding yourself better. Or what happened. Or what’s happening now. For some, the relationship with your therapist (safe space) in itself is healing, especially if you did not have safe spaces growing up. Or in a long time.
It’s literally impossible to process by yourself. You can’t out think your way out of your distortions. It takes a mirror. And a flashlight. There are things you can not see through your own lenses. Invest in your mental health. I know it can be expensive but if you have insurance, milk that shit. It will change your thoughts, your patterns, your perspective, and your life. #awriterslife #theangrytherapist
Power is an interesting word. You can spin it many ways. The world loads it with money, position, and control. But many men and women who are in the position of power are not powerful. They are afraid. Scared how they will be perceived so they hide behind what they’ve built or the glossy plaque hanging on their heavy door. This is an external power, a false one which is actually panic disguised as presentation and keeps them prisoners in their own castle.
In my opinion, a powerful man or woman is sensitive and aware of their flaws. They focus more on taking ownership than giving orders. They set a precedence by pulling from their inner truth and always strive to be a better human, and in the process affecting many by example.
True power has nothing to do with one’s position or worth on paper. True power is one’s ability to humanize themselves, and this is an on going process that never ends. Because our human is where trust is built. Where respect and admiration is earned. Where we become mirrors to others — where true power lives. Truly powerful people are not aware of their power. They are only aware of themselves.
If you’re in a position of power, ask yourself how you define power. And how are you using it to change yourself so that you can change the world? If there isn’t much change in self, you’re probably not changing the world much, no matter what you’ve build or how shiny your plaque.
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